Asking Forgiveness Increases Respect

by Joe White, Lissa Halls Johnson

Asking for forgiveness is an admission that you've made a poor decision ­ and it can be humiliating to admit you're wrong ­ but kids say they respect their parents more when they apologize.

Nobody likes to apologize. It's embarrassing. We feel ashamed, sad, foolish.

It's tough to get those words out, even if they're the only way to move beyond the wreckage of a parent-teen conflict and start healing.

Why is that difficulty of apologizing multiplied when we need to apologize to our own kids? See whether any of these reasons might apply to you.

 1.  Until now, your child has looked up to you. Asking forgiveness is an admission that you're not perfect ­ which implies that maybe you don't always make the best choices as a parent. You're afraid this will cause your teen to doubt all your decisions, or to find further excuse to defy you.

 2.  It can be humiliating to admit you're wrong. It feels like assigning yourself to the penalty box. The truth is that it takes strength to acknowledge your faults, and can help your teen relate to you as a fellow mistake-maker ­ but it's not much fun.

 3.  You want to model perfection so your teen will strive for a higher goal. Unfortunately, models of perfection discourage kids who feel like they're constantly messing up. If they can't be perfect, why try at all?

 4.  You fear that if you admit you're flawed, your teen won't respect you anymore. Actually, the opposite is true. Kids say they respect their parents more when they apologize.