We Both Win Or We Both Lose
By Gary Chapman
The first building block in decision-making is love - the attitude which asks, "What is best for my spouse?"
The second, and equally important, building block is communication. Decision making is not a solo sport. It involves both the husband and the wife. We are partners. The Bible says, "Two are better than one."
That is certainly true in decision making. You are far more likely to make a wise decision if you have the benefit of two minds and two hearts.
Communication is the vehicle whereby we share our thoughts and feelings with each other. It is the simple process of talking and listening, with a view of coming to the best decision together. But communication must be a choice. Otherwise, we end up doing what we did when we were single: Doing what we want to do. That approach to decision making is devastating to a marriage.
Fundamentally, we must affirm that we are partners, and we want to have the benefit of our best thinking. Therefore, we will always communicate before we make a decision.
What is the husband's role? I believe it is his responsibility to create a climate where his wife knows that he values her as an equal partner.
When it comes to decision making, he wants her to exercise that partnership by sharing her thoughts and feelings regarding the decision. He will do the same and together they will seek God's wisdom as what they should do.
This co-operative decision making must be taken seriously by the husband and the wife. Otherwise, they will be severely limited by their own perspective. The husband must see that he does not run over his wife and must see that she does not do the same to him.
Decision making is not a competitive sport where someone wins and someone loses. Decisions are a joint effort where we both win, or we both lose, depending on whether we make a wise or poor decision.
Thus our objective is to make the decision in such a way that we both feel affirmed. This is the sign of a healthy marriage.
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens