Tips For When You Just Have to Talk

By Sheri & Bob Stritof, from About.Com Guides

Throughout your marriage there will be times when you need to have "must have" conversations.

These are the conversations that you both may not want to talk about. These are conversations about difficult issues and situations. These are the conversations that may make you both angry, defensive, sad, and hurt.

Pretending that there is nothing wrong will keep both of you walking on eggshells and will ultimately cause your marriage to fail.

Having the difficult talk shows you care enough about your spouse and your marriage to have the conversation.

Here are tips and strategies when you have to have that difficult talk.

1. Don't Put Off Having That Difficult Conversation

2. Look at Your Expectations. If you expect the conversation to go badly, it will. If you assume that having the big talk will make the situation worse, it probably will. You need to define your expectations of the conversation and to think in positive terms.

3. Know Why You Want to Have the Talk. Do you want to talk with your spouse about a difficult issue to gain a better understanding of your spouse's perspective on the issue? Do you want to clear up a misunderstanding? Do you need to confront your spouse about a suspected lie or hurtful behavior? Are you concerned about your level of intimacy with one another and want to be closer to your spouse?

4. Accept It Will Probably Be a Stressful Conversation. Although you don't want either one of you to be stressed, hurt, or angered by the conversation, it is important to realize that you both may be defensive and emotional as you talk.