Strategies for Difficult Conversations
By Sheri & Bob Stritof, from About.Com Guides
Ways to Address the Difficult Conversation
1. Don't Say "We Have to Talk." Start your conversation with a statement that acknowledges that the topic is difficult, sensitive, confrontational, or touchy. Clarify that you know that you have different perspectives and that you want to work together to have a better understanding of those perspectives.
2. Suggestions for Beginning the Talk. "I've been thinking about ...", "What do you think about ...", "I'd like to talk about ...", "I want to have a better understanding of your point of view about ..."
Don't beat around the bush. Keep it simple. Stay on topic.
When and Where to Have the Difficult Conversation
3. Don't Manipulate Your Spouse. Don't invite your spouse out to the movies when you really plan on having "the talk" at a restaurant. Be honest.
4. Timing of the Talk. Pick the right time for the conversation. Don't ask your spouse to agree to a time to have the talk without having calmed yourself down first. Don't have a difficult conversation before or after sex.
5. Don't Expect to Have the Talk Immediately. It is important that you give your spouse some time to think about the topic you want to talk about but this shouldn't be postponed for a long time. Mention you would like to have the discussion within 48 hours.
6. Don't Trap Your Spouse. If you have the conversation in the car or on an airplane, etc. you are trapping your spouse.
7. Agree on Where to Have the Talk. Unless your spouse agrees to having the talk in a public location such as a restaurant, take your kids to a babysitter, and have the talk at home.
Strategies to Use During the Difficult Conversation
8. Show Respect for Your Spouse. Don't speak down to your spouse. Don't assume your spouse knows what you want to talk about. Don't interrupt when your spouse is speaking.
9. Be Aware of Non-verbal Communication. Maintain eye contact. Acknowledge what you hear with the understanding that acknowledgment is not necessarily agreement.
10. Be Prepared. Back up your concerns, thoughts, and ideas with research and facts. Keep your conversation on the topic you agreed to discuss. Don't talk on and on.
11. Reach an Agreement You Both Can Live With. Then set a time to follow-up to see how you are both dealing with the issue.
12. Know When to Get Help. If the issue or situation continues to create problems in your marriage, the two of you may have the need for a counselor or a mediator.
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