Five Steps to Change Bad Habits Into Good Ones - Part 2
By James Claiborn, PhD
Habits are all acquired behaviors that you do often and automatically, and are difficult to change. That's especially true of bad habits.
While it can seem impossible to break free of their pull, you can do it with careful thought and some work.
WHERE TO START
Make a list of the habits that concern you.
With list in hand, consider what each habit is doing for you. There is always a reason we hold on to a habit. The more you understand any habit, the better you can deal with it.
(Continuing from yesterday...Jim)
2. DEVELOP ALTERNATE THOUGHTS
Changing your behavior involves changing the way you think. Thoughts to watch for include...
* Self-pitying thoughts. "I've had such a bad day," "I'm so irritated," "I didn't deserve that." Mentally dispute these types of thoughts because they lead to feeling that you deserve to indulge.
* Conclusion thoughts. "I'm no good anyway" or "I'm too weak to beat this." Eliminate these punishing thoughts by inserting alternate conclusions such as, "I made a mistake that time." Alternate conclusions don't punish. They draw you closer to finding new ways to behave.
* "Should" thoughts. "Should" statements such as, "I should be able to quit this," are destructive. By substituting alternate thoughts such as, "I would be better off if I didn't do this," you open the avenue to change. "Should" thoughts reflect all-or-nothing thinking, which is rarely compatible with reality.
* Harmful-belief thoughts. These are defeating thoughts, such as, "I can't resist chocolate," that lead to, "I have no control over my behavior."
To overcome them, keep a record of the basic harmful belief along with evidence that supports it and evidence that shows it isn't true.
Example: "I can't resist junk food." Evidence: "I ate a candy bar this afternoon." Counterevidence: "I had a healthy breakfast and a salad for lunch."
Forget the guilt. People around you may try to use guilt to entice you to change, but feeling guilty generally becomes an emotional trigger for bad habit behavior.
3. DEVELOP ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIOR
One of the most important steps in changing a habit is to develop a "competing response" -- behavior that is incompatible with your bad habit, that you can do as often as you need and for as long as it takes for the urge to stop. You must also be able to do this without interfering with other activities.
Examples: If your bad habit is biting your nails, try clenching your fist as a competing response. When you feel the urge to bite, clench instead.
If interrupting others is your bad habit, develop a mantra to repeat to yourself when you're tempted to intrude, perhaps asking yourself if the timing is appropriate, or reminding yourself to wait a few seconds to speak.
Competing responses are also helpful in making you more aware of your habit and its urges.
Part 3 tomorrow.
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens