Gary Chapman gets really practical about good marriages. You two may agree on all the big issues, but conflict will come over the small things and that could become a big deal. Sound advice! 

 
Our society has undergone a great deal of change in the basic role expectations of the husband-wife unit. Traditionally, the husband has been the provider and the wife the homemaker. Currently, however, over fifty percent of American wives are working outside the home. This has spawned fresh areas of conflict in marriage.
 
If the wife is going to work outside the home and play an equal role with the husband in financial matters, then will he take an equal degree of responsibility for household tasks that the wife historically performed?  Probably not. At least that is what research shows.
 
So, the wife feels overworked, and resentful. She complains or withdraws from her husband. He wonders why she is not as responsive as she was before marriage.
 
What's going on here?  Role expectations were not clarified on the front end of the marriage and now confusion reigns. The big question that symbolizes this is: "Who is going to clean the toilet?"  
 
It's Time to Talk 
 
Most engaged couples discuss and agree upon the larger question, "Will the wife work outside the home?"  Few, however, discuss who will clean the toilet. Consequently, the greatest source of conflict in young marriages is not "provider versus homemaker", but the more nitty-gritty issues of daily life.
 
Many conflicts could be avoided if the couple would take time before marriage to discuss and agree upon responsibilities.
 
Couples tend to feel that they both ALREADY know what they will do when they get married. But how can one know what another thinks or envisions without open and thorough discussion? 
 
Let me give you a fun assignment. Make a list of all the things you consider to be your responsibility around the house. Make a separate list of what you consider to be the responsibilities of your spouse.
 
Ask your spouse to do the same. Share lists and negotiate differences. You are on the road to deciding "who will clean the toilet?" 
-------------------------

To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.5lovelanguages.com.