Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
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Mars and Venus Cope With Stress In Opposite Ways - Part 1
 
by Dr. John Gray
 
Summary of this article
 
I have been listening on audio tape to John Gray's book, Why Mars & Venus Collide. I find his insights very profound. Today and tomorrow he'll describe stress for women and men.
 
Jim
Mars and Venus Cope With Stress In Opposite Ways - Part 1
 
By John Gray
 
Many relationships in our society are suffering because men and women deal with stress differently. Our differences are also intensified by stress.
 
When we do not understand each others coping mechanisms, Mars and Venus collide.
 
Since men and women do not respond to stress in the same ways, the kinds of support we require to relieve stress differ.
 
What helps men release stress can be the opposite of what helps women feel better.
 
While he withdraws into his cave to forget the problems of his day, she wants to interact and discuss things. When she shares her frustrations, he offers solutions, but she is simply looking for some empathy.
 
Without a clear understanding of their unique needs and reactions to stress, they will inevitably feel unsupported and unappreciated.
 
Recent scientific research reveals that these different stress reactions are actually hardwired into our brains and the reactions become more extreme under greater stress.
 
Being aware of our innate biochemical differences frees us from the unhealthy compulsion to change our partners and eventually leads us to celebrate our differences.
 
Here are common complaints from women that I hear in counseling.  (Note: Tomorrow will be the common complaints from men. - Jim)
 
"He leaves things all around the house. I am tired of cleaning up after him."
 
"We both go to work. When we get home, why doesn't he pitch in and help more?"
 
"He sits in front of the TV while I do everything. I am not his personal maid."
 
"I can't believe he forgets everything. I can't depend on him for anything that matters to me."
 
"I have to juggle so many things, and he doesn't seem to care or even want to help."
 
"The only time he helps me is when I ask. Why can't he just pitch in like me?"
 
"When I try to talk with him, he is either distracted or he continues to interrupt with solutions."
 
"When he does talk, he goes on and on and is not interested in what I have to say. I wish he would give me less advice and help more."
 
"He becomes so moody and irritated. I don't know what to do to help. He just shuts me out of his life."
 
"He used to be more affectionate and interested. Now he ignores me unless he wants something."
 
"He doesn't even notice how I look anymore. Is it too much to expect an occasional compliment?"
 
"I can't talk about how I feel and what I think we should do without him feeling as if I am controlling him and telling him what to do."
 
"We never have time for romance anymore. He is either working, watching TV, gone, or sleeping."
 
"The only time he touches me is when he wants sex."
 
"I spend all day with the kids, and then he comes home and wants to tell me what I did wrong."
 
"Every time we talk about finances, we get into a fight. What I say doesn't seem to matter."
 
Do any of these complaints sound familiar?
 
They are only the tip of the iceberg. But if we can see our differences in a new light, we will not only enrich communication in our relationships but also make our relationships a solid base to support all the other areas of our lives.

_____________________________________________________
 
 
God bless your marriage and family.
 
Jim Stephens
 

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Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress

  
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