Mars and Venus Cope With Stress In Opposite Ways - Part 2
 
By John Gray
 
Many relationships in our society are suffering because men and women deal with stress differently. Our differences are also intensified by stress.
 
When we do not understand each others coping mechanisms, Mars and Venus collide.
 
Since men and women do not respond to stress in the same ways, the kinds of support we require to relieve stress differ.
 
What helps men release stress can be the opposite of what helps women feel better.
 
While he withdraws into his cave to forget the problems of his day, she wants to interact and discuss things. When she shares her frustrations, he offers solutions, but she is simply looking for some empathy.
 
Without a clear understanding of their unique needs and reactions to stress, they will inevitably feel unsupported and unappreciated.
 
Recent scientific research reveals that these different stress reactions are actually hardwired into our brains and the reactions become more extreme under greater stress.
 
Being aware of our innate biochemical differences frees us from the unhealthy compulsion to change our partners and eventually leads us to celebrate our differences.
 
Here are common complaints from men that I hear in counseling.  (Note: Yesterday was the common complaints from women. - Jim)
 
"There is always something that I haven't done."
 
"She always finds something new to complain about."
 
"She wants everything done right now. Why can't she just relax?"
 
"I can't believe she remembers all my mistakes and continues to bring them up."
 
"When I offer to help, she always finds something wrong in my suggestions. Why bother?"
 
"She expects me to be a mind reader and know what she wants."
 
"When I take time to relax or spend time with my friends, she complains that we are not spending enough time together."
 
"I help out around the house, but she is still exhausted. What I do is never acknowledged or appreciated."
 
"I never know when she is going to erupt with a list of complaints. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her."
 
"She is always complaining about something. Nothing can make her happy."
 
"She makes such a big deal out of things. Why does she have to get so emotional?"
 
"She either complains that I work too hard, or that we don't have enough money. There is no way I can win."
 
"When I am in the mood, she is either too tired or overwhelmed with too many other things to do."
 
"I feel like I have to jump through hoops to have sex with her."
 
"When I spend time with the kids, she corrects what I do. She says she wants a break, but then she keeps telling me what to do."
 
"When we go over the bills, she questions me about the way I spend money. I don't want her telling me what to do."
 
Do any of these complaints sound familiar?

 

They are only the tip of the iceberg. But if we can see our differences in a new light, we will not only enrich communication in our relationships but also make our relationships a solid base to support all the other areas of our lives.

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