Reality Check: Myths On Marriage

By Gary D. Chapman

Don't let false assumptions drag your marriage down. Get a fresh start with the reality about four myths and these six truths.

If you're feeling dissatisfied with the love in your marriage, give your life a reality check. It could be you've been buying into one of the four common myths that follow.

If you read these four statements with a niggling sense that, yes, these falsehoods have crept into your own thinking, get ready to clear your mind with the reality that follows.

Exposing Four Myths

1. My state of mind is determined by my environment.

First, your environment certainly affects who you are, but it does not control you. If you believe myth #1, you've got a victim mentality.

2. People can't change.

The second myth fails to reckon with the reality of human freedom. Your local library is filled with accounts of people who've made radical changes. Consider Charles Colson, the Watergate criminal who later began an international agency to offer prisoners spiritual help. People can and do change - sometimes dramatically.

3. When you're in a bad marriage, you'll either have to resign yourself to a life of misery or get out.

As for the third myth, why limit your horizons to two devastating alternatives? I've seen couples come to counseling, convinced they'll end up divorced, only to amaze themselves and each other by building love between them again. You're only a prisoner by your own choice; you can dismantle a prison without leaving your spouse.

4. Some situations are hopeless.

The fourth myth flies in the face of God's truth, which insists that there is always hope because he is all-powerful.

It's time to throw out the myths and get ready to accept six positive realities. (Continued in the next Marriage Tip.)

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Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., is a marriage and relationship expert and best-selling author of numerous books, including The Five Love Languages (Moody) and Covenant Marriage (Broadman & Holman).

Copyright © 2004 by Gary D. Chapman