Never Ever Mother Your Husband

By H. Norman Wright

A Word to Wives: Things Not To Do

This week, we will consider lines to avoid crossing as wives.

These problem behaviors often plague marriages.

Unhelpful Reminders

Avoid mothering the man in your life. Let me say it another way. Never, but never, mother a man.

When you act like a mother with your spouse, you can't encourage him. Treating an adult like a child is demeaning and makes you a controller! 

If you mother him, he will continue to act in a way that makes you continue to want to mother him, and on and on it goes.

How do mothers sound? They remind. They actually make the other person (child or adult) rely on them to bail them out. Why would a person remember to do something when he has someone who will remind him? 

Have you ever made statements like these?  "Honey be sure you've got your wallet."  "John, if I've asked you once, I've asked you a thousand times...."  "You didn't call for the plane tickets. I'll do it for you...again."

You may be thinking: What's wrong with those statements and questions?  Aren't they just helpful reminders?  Perhaps - but only if you remind so that he learns to remember by himself and you won't have to remind him anymore! 

Reminding once in a while may be helpful, but if you have to repeat again and again, it's obvious the reminders are not working.

They're what I call bailout responses. They take the responsibility away from the other person for doing things they are perfectly capable of doing. These statements say, "You're a child; you can't remember anything. I'll do it for you."   

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens