10 Ways Budgeting Saved My Marriage - Part 3

By Tim Maurer, Forbes Contributor

Eleven years ago, my wife and I sat across the table from an experienced married couple... our mentor couple in our pre-marital class. Upon review of our personality profiles and piles of personal baggage, they felt it their duty to discourage us from further pursuing the sacred vows of matrimony. They'd never seen a hopeful couple more innately disparate, more inevitably destined for failure.

We have never forgotten, however, the well-intended admonishment of our mentor couple; indeed, we see much of life from vastly different perspectives, foremost among them our view of things financial. And apparently, we're not alone. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Over 50% of those splits cite financial disputes as the primary reason for the break-up.

100% of marriages deal with money as a daily necessity.

Here are the top 10 ways (continued, part 3) budgeting has saved, and continues to save, our marriage:

3. It shows our dependence on each other. 

Andrea and I do think very differently, and this inevitably leads to divisive thoughts like these: "You know, I think I could do this better on my own!" But this decries the very essence of marriage as an institution in which each partner's primary objective is to serve the other. The process of budgeting puts our (literal and emotional) dependence on each other on full display. That makes us vulnerable, but it's good.

2. It preserves a healthy level of independence. 

The income production in most households is almost never perfectly equitable. Andrea sacrificed a successful career in the financial industry when she chose to stay home with our young children. This has been an incredible blessing in our family, but it's also a breeding ground for insecurity and manipulation as I might have a tendency to overestimate my contribution to the family's finances and underestimate Andrea's. It is imperative, then, that part of our budget is the preservation of a certain amount of financial independence for each spouse. To offset this income inequity, we've established "His and Hers" accounts with unilateral privileges. Many shun budgeting as too restrictive, but properly implemented, it actually gives us room to breathe financially, and we all need room to breathe.

1. It preserves date night! 

One of the interactions I've enjoyed most throughout my career was with a client who is a generation or two my senior. He and his wife have five kids(!) and appear to be more in love today than they've ever been. So at the close of one meeting, I got up the nerve to ask this gentleman what his secret to marriage and parenting was. His answer? They never fail to set aside time - and money - for each other as a couple. He made a convincing case that we are better parents when we deliberately setting aside time to be together, away from the kids, and not just for date nights, but also long-weekends and even week-long vacations to remind ourselves that before we were parents we were lovers. This proved especially difficult for Andrea and me because by the time we got to the end of most months, we'd already spent our discretionary cash on the rest of life and felt like we were taking funding away from other things to line-up a babysitter and enjoy a night or weekend out. So now, much as we have preserved His and Hers accounts, we also have an Ours account.

Budgeting is not the slightest bit romantic, but it has the ability to promote and preserve the romance in our marriages and keep us on the right side of that daunting 50% divorce statistic.