Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
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Wait Just 15 Minutes After Those Harsh Words
 
by Dr. John Gray
 
Summary of this article
 
Here's another difference between men and women (in general of course). Often when women share their negative feelings, just 15 minutes later, they feel all better. A man doesn't know that. 
 
Jim
The Fifteen-Minute Delay
 
By Dr. John Gray

Sometimes, when we are upset, we don't realize until later what we have said in the heat of the moment.
 
Often, if a woman is upset and shares her feelings, it may take fifteen minutes to reflect on what she has said.
 
After such consideration, she then begins to appreciate a man's strong support. She'll start thinking, "I really unloaded on him and he wasn't mean to me. He really tried to be considerate... He is wonderful afterall. Let me think what I can do for him."
 
Sometimes there is a fifteen-minute delay before a woman can really appreciate that a man is there for her. Women are very aware of a need for connection and can feel insecurity more easily than men.
 
If a man says something in frustration over her upset, like "What's the point," or "This was sure a waste of time," or "If this doesn't help, why do we even bother," it can undo all the good he did before. It will be as though he gave a gift and then took it back. And to a woman, that is worse than not giving it in the first place.
 
Those fifteen minutes when she is reflecting on what she has said is a very vulnerable time for a woman. It's best for a man to just be patient and supportive. If a man is trying to tell her that she is wrong, or if she feels she has to defend herself, then it is very hard for her to see her mistakes and release any negative feelings she is holding onto.
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God bless your marriage and family.
 
Jim Stephens
 

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