Better yet, why don't you ask that question to your spouse? If their answer is less than 10, you ask: "What could I do to help fill it?"
Then, you do it to the best of your ability. If you do this exercise once a week, your spouse will likely begin to ask you the same question and you will learn how to keep each others' love tank full.
It is very essential that our teenagers feel loved by their parents. I remember Ashley who at 13 years of age was being treated for a sexually transmitted disease. She said, "I thought my father left because he didn't love me. When my mother remarried, I felt she had someone to love her, but I still had no one to love me. I met this boy at school. He was older than me, but he liked me. I couldn't believe it. He was kind to me, and I really felt loved by him. I didn't want to have sex, but I wanted to be loved."
Do you know your teens love language? I wrote my book:
The Five Love Languages of Teenagers to help parents love teens effectively.
Does your teen feel loved? If love is so important why is it so elusive? Through 30 years of counseling I have heard it over and over again. "Our love is gone, our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We no longer enjoy being with each other. We don't meet each others needs."
Could it be that deep inside these hurting couples there is an emotional love tank that is empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? I think the answer is 'Yes'. If you would like to change the emotional climate, then look for something positive in your spouse and give them a compliment. Your positive statement is the first step toward a growing marriage.
I'm convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level in your car. Running your marriage on an empty love tank may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil. How do you fill the love tank of your spouse? You find out what makes them feel loved and then to the best of your ability, you speak their "love language".
There are five languages: (1) words of affirmation, (2) gifts, (3) acts of service, (4) quality time, and (5) physical touch. One of these speaks more deeply to your spouse than the other four. Learn to speak the right love language and watch your spouse begin to smile. When they feel loved, they are likely to reciprocate.
The need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires. A man said to me recently, "What good is the house, the cars, the place at the beach, or any of the rest of it, if your wife doesn't love you?" Do you understand what he was saying? "More than anything, I want to be loved by my wife." Material things are no replacement for emotional love.
However, most of us focus on "getting love" not on "giving love". But Jesus said, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Why not ask your spouse: "What could I do or say that would make me a better husband or wife?" Their answer will tell you how to love them most effectively. When you love them and they are more likely to love you.
Adapted from
The 5 Love Languages™ The Secret to Love that Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit
www.5lovelanguages.com.