Five Reasons Marriages Get Into Trouble  
 
By Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
Reason #1:  The Loss of Pleasing Behaviors
 
A complaint I hear constantly from wives is that their husbands just don't listen to them. The same man who used to hang on his sweetheart's every word when they were dating now tunes her out the minute she starts to speak. Why? Because he's no longer worried about pleasing her, about doing everything within his power to show her that he cares about her.
 
Maybe you haven't thought about it for a while, but it's a good idea to ask yourself, "What can I do that would really please my mate?" 
 
Chances are that your mate doesn't need a four-karat diamond, a million dollars, or a cruise around the world. All or she really needs is a demonstration from you that you really are anxious to please him or her. Why? Because you care!  
 
If you're married and things aren't going that well, perhaps you can think back to when you were dating and see some things you did differently.
 
And don't say, "Yeah, but he doesn't treat me the same either." We're not playing tit for tat here. That's a game that eventually escalates into an all-out war. Give anger and you'll get anger back. But try to please your spouse, and he or she is going to be more apt to try to please you too.
 
Reason #2:  Negative Communication Behaviors
 
Negative Problem Description: A statement of the problem that is too long, too vague, or too emotional.
 
Cross Complaining: Instead of listening to your mate's complaint, you immediately jump in with a complaint of your own, as in, "So I don't listen to you, huh? Well, you never want to take the time to talk about anything that's really important."
 
Criticism: Always pointing out your mate's shortcomings is not helpful, even if you think you are offering "constructive" criticism. And watch your tone of voice, because that often says just as much as or even more than your words do.
 
Exaggeration: Sentences that use words like "always" or "never."
 
Negative Mind Reading: This is assuming that you know what is going on in your spouse's mind and accusing him or her of wrong motives. If you must assume, assume that your mate's motives are pure. Do your best to avoid statements that you could be sure of only if you could get inside your partner's mind - statements such as, "You're only doing this to make me feel bad."
 
Overtalk: Refusing to give your partner "equal time" by monopolizing conversation.
 
Blaming: Always trying to assess blame and never being willing to share it.
 
Problem Orientation: Continuing to describe the problem or focusing on past history instead of looking for positive solutions.
 
Sidetracking: Using irrelevent sentences that reflect the inability to stick to the point during a problem-solving discussion. Or using sentences that jump from one problem to another instead of focusing on the problem under immediate discussion.

Tomorrow will be three more reasons.

 

Content taken directly from Sex Begins in the Kitchen, written by Dr. Kevin Leman, published by Revell Publishing..