Gary Chapman gives some deep insights into why some people behave in such a negative way. And he helps us to learn how to deal with it.

Don't curse the behavior.  Address the need.
 
By Dr. Gary Chapman 
 
Do you understand that some of your spouse's most negative behavior may be motivated by the need for love? 
 
Barb complains that her husband doesn't have time for her. She often raises her voice and delivers angry lectures to him, accusing him of not caring for her. Sometimes these lectures work, and her husband, Bob, will sit down and talk with her.
 
How much better it might be if Bob understood that his wife's primary love language is Quality Time and would make time regularly to talk with Barb. Addressing her need for love may well eliminate her negative behavior. 
 
Learning to identify the emotional need that is behind your spouse's behavior is a major step in being a positive influence in an otherwise desperate marriage.
 
Don't curse the behavior.  Address the need.
 
Written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on his book, Desperate Marriages, published by Moody Publishing, copyright 2005. 

To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.5lovelanguages.com.