You Make No Sense - Part 1
 
By Dr. Dave Currie, with Glen Hoos
 
A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch that had become stuck in the doorway. They pushed and pulled until they were exhausted, but the couch wouldn't budge. "Forget it," the man finally said. "We'll never get this in."
 
The neighbor looked at him quizzically and said, "In?"
 
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are working against each other? Men, do you struggle with talking with your wife to the point that you feel she's speaking a foreign language? Women, do you need a crowbar to get your husband to open up and really talk...about anything?
 
If you are still missing the mark in communicating with your mate, here are some suggestions. 
 
Learn to Listen
 
All of us, men and women, have got to learn to listen patiently. This is NOT easy. 
 
Sometimes we assume we understand what our mate is saying, and instead of really listening to them when they are talking, we spend the whole time plotting our response. We mentally shoot down points that they may not even be making, and we miss their point entirely. Tragic but true.
 
My wife deserves to be heard, as does your mate. I need to fight the temptation to "know what she is going to say."
 
I must be quiet, stop and listen to her - and I don't just mean physical quietness, either. I need to refrain from mentally rehearsing my argument and really give her my full attention and focus. It validates who she is and respects how she feels. It fosters co-operation, rather than competition, between us. 
 
In many couples there is one person who is more verbal and the other is less so. Two thirds of the time the woman is more verbal than the man, but sometimes it is the man who talks more.
 
It is especially important for the talker to learn good listening skills and to give your mate the time to talk. If you feel like your spouse isn't communicative enough, make sure you're giving them a chance to open up. If you are filling the air with words, your spouse won't be able to share unless they are willing to fight for "air time". That isn't likely to happen, and instead it drives them deeper into privacy.

____________________________________________________