You Make No Sense - Part 3
 
By Dr. Dave Currie, with Glen Hoos
 
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are working against each other? Men, do you struggle with talking with your wife to the point that you feel she's speaking a foreign language? Women, do you need a crowbar to get your husband to open up and really talk...about anything?
 
If you are still missing the mark in communicating with your mate, here is suggestion number 3. 
 
Seek Clarification over Frustration
 
How many times have you and your spouse had an argument, only to discover that the fight could have been avoided if you had truly taken the time to understand one another?

 

My wife and I have had times where, as we worked through an area of disagreement, we discovered that we didn't really disagree at all...we only thought we disagreed because we were too impatient to fully understand one another. 
 
So many fights are escalated because we don't make the effort to clarify what the other person is trying to communicate. We say, "Well, I thought you said this ...", and it wasn't that at all. 
 
It's important to clarify. 
 
Clarifying is simply saying, "If I hear you correctly, I hear you saying this..." Then the other person says, "No, I didn't mean that, I meant this..." The spouse has a chance to restate themselves, to ensure they are understood.
 
Perceived communication without clarification usually leads to frustration! No one wins. 
 
Remember: Differing Opinions Are Not Wrong

Men and women are different...and that's okay. I have different opinions than the guys I play hockey with. I have different opinions than those I work with. I have different opinions with a lot of people. It doesn't mean that one of us wrong.
 
Sometimes in a marriage, every area of disagreement automatically becomes a battle. It becomes a contest, with each partner trying to prove that they are right. Remember: it's okay to have different opinions.
 
Now, there are times when you've got to come to agreement on decisions that need to be made, so those differences will need to be worked through.

 

But we've got to drop this need to win fights, as well as the need to blame the other person. It's a trap that many couples fall into.

 

Ultimately, what's more important: winning the fight, or having harmony in your home? Would you rather be right, or happy?

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