The Most Stressful Time of a Woman's Day

By John Gray

Taking part in testosterone-producing activities at work can diminish a woman's oxytocin levels. When she gets home, without an abundance of oxytocin, her roles as a partner, mother, friend, and caregiver seem overwhelming.

When she expects to have to do more without enough time or energy, her stress levels go up. Her experience is quite different from a man's.

When a man's day job is done, he begins to relax. If he feels pressure to do more when he returns home, his tendency to relax is thwarted. With more responsibilities and less time to recover his testosterone levels, he has less and less energy.

Instead of coming home to a sanctuary of love and support, both men and women today are confronted with a new stress. Women need more of their partners' time and support, and men are running out of energy. Consequently, they both have less to give.

Women considering divorce commonly say, "I give and give, but I don't get back what I need. He just doesn't care, and I have nothing left to give."

When a woman feels that her partner doesn't care about her needs, she becomes increasingly dissatisfied and resents that she is giving more than she is getting. She may still love her partner, but she is willing to end the relationship, because she feels she has nothing left to give.

Being in his presence no longer restores her oxytocin levels after a stressful day at work. Just anticipating being ignored or rejected by him can cause her oxytocin levels to drop and her stress levels to rise. Instead of being a source of support, her partner becomes another burden for her to carry.

If her partner understands her needs, it is a simple thing for him to give her a hug when they first meet after work and to spend a few minutes letting her talk about her day, both oxytocin boosters. Since she will be equally considerate of his needs, she won't be too demanding and will allow him to have the downtime he needs.

Success in the workplace is important for women, but it will never improve the quality of her relationships unless she also takes time to balance her job-related testosterone-producing activities with oxytocin-producing activities and attitudes.

Achieving success in a testosterone-producing activity can lower stress in men, but not in women. It is primarily the quality of her relationships that keeps a woman's stress levels down.

Now that the hormonal differences between men and women are clear through research, we can begin to understand how very differently we respond to stress.