What Women Need To Learn About Time-Outs

By John Gray

It is harder for most women to take a time out, because their nature is to talk under stress.

Talking almost always works on Venus, but not on Mars. On Venus, it is even against the law to walk away in the middle of a conversation.

Without a common understanding and acceptance of taking time-outs, a woman can become offended and even more upset when a man takes a time-out.

A woman does not recognize the importance of taking a time-out because her hormones under stress are so different. For her, talking about something and being heard, making the connection, this will stimulate oxytocin and lower her stress levels. Her natural tendency is to talk more at these times.

What she does not grasp is that talking can sometimes intensify her partner's frustration and anger. If he feels she is making him out to be in the wrong or trying to control him, he can get angrier and more upset.

Talking more can be like pouring gas on the fire of a man's frustration and rage.

When a woman takes a time-out, she needs to think things through by talking with a friend, a therapist, a relationship coach, or a support group of other women, or to write her feelings in a journal, or to pray.

In these ways, she can gradually explore her emotions, sorting out her thoughts to identify her needs and positive feelings. With more positive feelings and a clear awareness of what she needs, she is better equipped to communicate her perspective and hear what he has to say.

A couple should wait at least twelve hours before discussing the issue again.

Taking a time-out helps a woman sort out her thoughts, to identify her needs and positive feelings.

A woman should also take time to remember that men are from Mars, and that she may be misinterpreting his actions or words. During this time, she can reflect on ways she can view or talk about the situation or conflict in a more positive manner. Sometimes remembering the good things he does can soften her feelings. It can be helpful to present her point of view to herself or a friend in a more positive manner that doesn't reject him but acknowledges the support he does provide.

In most cases, a woman should not talk with a family member during a time-out. Talking with family members can come back to haunt you. They hold on to all the negative feelings you may temporarily have about your partner. They are not aware of all the positive feelings you have toward your partner so they won't be holding a healthy balance. Confiding in family members at your worst moments may drive a wedge between them and your partner.