Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
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What If You And Your Spouse Speak Different Languages?
 
By Gary Chapman
Summary of this article
 
Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages have been well documented and a proven aid to expressing love to your spouse in a way that they understand it, not necessarily the way you would "naturally" give it.
 
Jim 
What If You And Your Spouse Speak Different Languages?
 
By Gary Chapman
 
Myth:
 
Married life is unhappy life.
 
Fact: 
 
Studies show that married people have better emotional and physical health, longer lives, greater sexual satisfaction, greater incomes, and more accumulated wealth.
 
Speaking of Expressing Love
 
Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese is from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in "English," if your spouse only understands "Chinese," you will never understand how to love each other.
 
Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love so our spouses will receive it.
 
My conclusion after thirty-five years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages -- five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. However, there may be numerous dialects. The important thing is to learn to speak the love language of your spouse.
 
Love is a Choice
 
Communicating love isn't as easy as feeling "in love," because it's quite a different thing. 
 
Falling in love is not an act of the will or conscious choice. It's effortless. One who is "in love" is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. If the euphoric phrase of being "in love" never ended, we might never experience true love and meaningful communication.
 
Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. Your spouse's love language may not come "naturally" for you, but it may be the only way they recognize your love.
 
Most of us do many things each day that do not come "naturally" for us. For some of us, that is getting out of bed in the morning. We go against our feelings and get out of bed because we believe there is something worthwhile to do that day. And normally, before the day is over, we feel good about having gotten up. Our actions preceded our emotions. 
 
The same is true with love. We discover the primary love language of our spouse, and then we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for us. You might not love the language for yourself, but speaking it will clearly communicate love to your spouse.
 
Love is a choice. And either partner can start the process today.
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God bless your marriage and family.
 
Jim Stephens
 

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