Making a Man Happy

By John Gray

There is truth behind the maxim, "A man's best friend is his dog." A dog is always happy to see him. A man may have had a frustrating day, but at least his dog has no complaints. When he arrives home, the excitement and enthusiasm of his dog's welcome lets him know, once again, that he is a hero. All a man has to see is his dog's tail wagging, and his stress levels begin to decrease.

Whenever I arrive home, my dog is overjoyed to see me and will proceed to the family room, announcing my arrival with great glee and excitement. The returning and sometimes wounded hero has arrived. This exuberant response helps to make it all worthwhile. This is the way men want to be loved. A dog's unconditional love and abundant appreciation mean a lot to a man. Understanding why a man bonds so deeply with his dog can illuminate the nature of men and their affections.

The success of a man's actions and decisions is what increases testosterone and makes him feel good. That is why his dog's enthusiasm at his return is so pleasing to him. A dog's unquestioning loyalty and unrestrained appreciation make him feel as if he is being greeted by an entire cheering section after a major victory.

Acknowledgment of their actions and achievements is important to women, but this acknowledgment does not reduce their stress. Women often wonder why men make such a big deal of taking credit for things. Being appreciated for what he has achieved stimulates a man's testosterone production. Women don't readily relate to the importance of taking credit, because doing so does not lower their stress levels.

This simple difference explains why men tend to avoid asking for directions in the car or put off getting medical help unless absolutely necessary. Women are much more open to asking for this kind of support. A man will ask for help, but only after he feels he has done everything he can on his own. In this case, asking for help can be testosterone-producing, because it becomes the way he solves the problem. His timing is just different from a woman's. He first wants to try to do it himself.

Getting help is more important to women, because it is an oxytocin-producing event. Someone offering to help her can put a big smile on her face. She is getting that support she needs. On Venus, the quality of relationships counts much more than how successful you are. In hormonal terms, the oxytocin produced from doing things together with others is more important to a woman than the testosterone produced by achieving things on your own.

In our romantic relationships, a man's deepest desire is to make his partner happy. Biology predisposes men to want to make something happen and women to want to be affected. A man does not spend his life looking for someone to love him. Instead, he looks for someone he can be successful in loving.