Unrealistic Expectations Will Doom Chances For Real Love

By John Gray

Most men are not equipped to be the domestic/communicative/ romantic partners women fantasize about.

Although some men attempt to fulfill that fantasy, in the end both partners become frustrated and disappointed.

He may try for years, but eventually he runs out of steam. Some men try during the dating stage and then give up, because they can't continue to meet their partner's expectations. When this is the case, a man may suddenly lose interest and not even know why. He is just not that interested in her, not because she is not right for him, but because he is trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

A man loses interest when he senses that he can't continue to meet a woman's expectations.

If a man was to yield to the pressure of a woman's unrealistic expectations, he could become a domestic partner, but within a few years all the romance and passion would be gone. When a man becomes more like a woman in a relationship, he will inevitably become overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed.

This role reversal can easily put a damper on romantic feelings. If a man becomes more feminine, the attraction she felt for him in the beginning is lost. Instead of becoming more sensitive, men need to become sensitive to the needs of women. This is what women are really looking for from a man. Certainly a man can be sensitive, but to meet her needs, he must consider her needs and not just his own.

Lucky is the woman who is able to appreciate what a man can offer, for she continues to get more and more.

Likewise, most women are not equipped to be the domestic/ communicative/romantic partners men want. It is unrealistic for a man to expect a woman to create a beautiful home without help and appreciation, always to be in a good mood, never to be needy, and to be romantically available at all times.

Many women try to fulfill this fantasy but feel cheated and betrayed when their partners do not return their love.

When men begin to understand a woman's new needs, they are naturally motivated to help out more. Men who make this change must make sure that they take the time they need for themselves as well; otherwise they will both end up overwhelmed and exhausted. Lucky is the man who is able to meet his own needs and then respond to a woman's need for help around the house, good communication, and regular romance, for he comes home to a happy woman.

Fortunately, reality is much more wonderful than fantasy. We seek real love, and if we have the right expectations, we can find it. Together we can make small but significant changes to support each other more effectively. Adjusting, updating, and correcting our expectations can free us from feeling victimized or powerless to get what we need.

In addition, these new insights about our differences help us to recognize and remember the real problem: increasing stress. Instead of blaming our partners, we can blame stress. It is often a mistake to conclude we are too different to make a relationship work. The truth is, stress can drive a wedge between us. By learning how to support ourselves and our partners at times of greater stress, we can learn to lower stress levels.

When stress is removed from the formula, our differences are never a problem. When stress is reduced, our differences are a major source of fulfillment.