Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
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Relationships Die For Lack Of An Apology
 
By Gary Chapman
Summary of this article
 
Gary Chapman gives some very valuable insights into learning how to apologize. This knowledge can help heal relationships when someone gets hurt. Without this knowledge, you'll go through doomed to broken relationship after broken relationship.
 
Jim 
Relationships Die For Lack Of An Apology
 
By Gary Chapman
 
Many relationships die for lack of an apology. 
 
Offenses are real and they fracture relationships. Time alone will not heal a broken relationship. The healing process begins with a sincere apology. The apology doesn't immediately restore the relationship, but it does open the door to forgiveness, and forgiveness opens the door to the needed reconciliation.
 
Is an Apology a Sign of Weakness?  
 
Why then do some people find it so hard to apologize? Perhaps this is because they view apologizing as a sign of weakness. In reality, it is a sign of maturity. In an apology, I accept responsibility for my behavior. I'm showing that I value our relationship. Until you apologize, nothing is more important.
 
Requesting Forgiveness
 
Requesting forgiveness is one of the five apology languages. For some people it is their primary language. In their minds, if you don't request forgiveness, you have not apologized.
 
One wife said, "All he ever says is, 'I'm sorry.' What is that supposed to mean?  Does he realize that he has done wrong? Does he want to be forgiven? Then why can't he ask for it?" The reason he does not "ask for it" is that he may not know that requesting forgiveness is one of five ways to apologize. 
 
Most of us only learn one or two statements of apology as we grow up. To make a successful apology we may need to learn to speak another language.  
 
Learning How to Apologize

 
When Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I wrote our book, The Five Languages of Apology, we discovered that people apologize in different ways. What one person considers an apology is not what another person is looking for.
 
He says, "I'm sorry," while she wants to hear him say, "I was wrong." Or, she says, "What can I do to make things right?"  And, he is saying, "For a start you can tell me what you are going to do to make sure this does not happen again tomorrow." 
 
None of us are experts on apologizing, but the good news is that we can learn.
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God bless your marriage and family.
 
Jim Stephens
 

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