Summary of this article
Here is an amazing theory. It proposes that 90% of the emotion in an argument comes from the past and not the exact issue at hand.
Jim |
Relationship Basics - The Trash Can Theory
By John Gray
Ever feel upset with your significant other, but not know why?
The 90/10 Rule identifies that when we're upset, 90 percent of the problem is related to our past and only 10 percent has to do with the issue at hand.
This is also referred to occasionally as the Trash Can Theory, which describes a place inside of us where we store unresolved feelings from the past. We collect layers of hurt and frustration in our systems from past relationships and our formative years.
When we finally find ourselves with a person who loves us for exactly who we are, then at some point our "trash can" tips over and reveals the issues from the past that we may not have dealt with fully.
Homework: The next time you and your significant other argue, stop for a moment to consider what it is you're fighting about - how much of it has to do with the present issue and how much is a reaction that's coming to the surface because of something one of you experienced in a past relationship?
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God bless your marriage and family.
Jim Stephens |
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