Why Women Need Men - Part 1

By John Gray

Fully receiving a man's support is not as simple today as it was in the past. Women today are confused when it comes to the role a man can play in their lives.

She either needs him to be more like a woman, or she feels she doesn't need him at all. Neither approach works.

Being more independent and self-sufficient, modern women want a man to share their lives with but don't really feel the need for a man. They want a man, but to need him makes them cringe. When they do need him, they often want him to be someone he is not and cannot be.

Ultimately, men want to feel needed and men are most attracted to a woman who appreciates what they have to offer. When a man is needed, he can make a difference. A woman who can appreciate what a man has to offer automatically reduces the stress in his life. Women who clearly feel the need for a man attract them like bees to honey.

Women who are very successful and independent often remain alone because they don't realize why they need a man. Statistically, the more financially successful a woman is, the lower her chances of getting married, and the greater the possibility of divorce. Most of these divorces are initiated by the woman. These statistics change as women learn to feel their need for a man and appreciate what he can offer.

It is challenging to appreciate someone you do not think you need. When a woman doesn't open herself to a man in this way, she is pushing him away and increasing the stress in his life.

You can only appreciate what you have when you authentically feel a need for it.

Independent women don't have to give up their freedoms to feel their need for a man. You can be independent about some things and depend on your partner for other things. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Some women watched their mothers deny their needs and submit themselves to please their husbands. They have vowed never to allow that to happen to them.

By seeking a life of complete independence, they, too, are denying their needs and following in their mothers' footsteps. To avoid submitting themselves in a relationship, they have denied their needs altogether.

For other women, the process of surviving or trying to get ahead in their careers distracts them from getting in touch with their feelings and need for a relationship. To get ahead in the workplace, they have to express their more independent selves and have difficulty shifting back to their feminine side that easily feels the need for a man. These women often think they need a more feeling or sensitive man, but they really need to connect with their own more feminine side.

If he is more sensitive, such a woman might imagine that it will be safer for her feminine side to emerge. She has fantasies of talking with her partner the way she would with a girlfriend or with a wise mentor.

Unfortunately, when a woman gets a "more feeling man," it doesn't help her connect with her own feelings. The more sensitive a man is, the more their conversations will center on him and not on her. A needy man is a huge turnoff to women. After a while, she doesn't even want to talk with him, because she will have to listen to more of his sensitive feelings or his opinionated tirades. When she thinks she needs a more sensitive and vulnerable man, what she really needs is to express her more vulnerable self. What she really needs is to be heard, which all men can learn to do.