Daily Tips from The Marriage Library.com
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The Ten Worst Listening
Habits - Part 2
 
By Dick Lee and Delmar Hatesohl  
 
June 12, 2012                                                                             Issue 945    

  

Summary of this article

 

This article continues the list from last week of 10 bad listening habist. I'll finish up the list tomorrow.

 

Check out yourself against this list to see where you can improve. I think it's pretty obvious how not listening will interfere with a good relationship with your spouse.

 

This is part 2 of 3.

 

God bless your family and your marriage.

 

Jim  

 
 

Ten Worst Listening Habits - Part 2

 

Dick Lee and Delmar Hatesohl, University of Missouri

 

Listening is the communication skill most of us use the most frequently.

 

A typical study points out that many of us spend 70 to 80 percent of our waking hours in some form of communication. Of that time, we spend about 9 percent writing, 16 percent reading, 30 percent speaking, and 45 percent listening. Studies also confirm that most of us are poor and inefficient listeners.

 

Ralph G. Nichols, long-time professor of rhetoric at the University of Minnesota (now retired), says in his book Are You Listening? that "if we define the good listener as one giving full attention to the speaker, first-grade children are the best listeners of all."

 

Here are Dr. Nichols' list of 10 bad listening habits. You'll recognize some that you have and that you can make an effort to correct.

 

(continued from last week, Part 1)

 

2. Criticizing the delivery or appearance of the speaker

 

Many of us do this on a regular basis. We tend to mentally criticize the speaker for not speaking distinctly, for talking too softly, for reading, for not looking the audience in the eye.

 

We often do the same thing with the speaker's appearance. If speakers aren't dressed as we think they should be, we probably tend not to listen closely or we may immediately classify the speaker as a liberal or conservative, a hippie or a square.

 

But if we concentrate on what the speaker is saying, we may begin to get the message and we may even get interested. Remember, the message is more important than the form in which it is delivered.

 

3. Becoming too stimulated

 

We may hear a speaker say something with which we disagree. Then we can get so concerned that our train of thought causes us to spend more time developing counter arguments so that we no longer listen to the speaker's additional comments. We are busy formulating questions in our mind to ask the speaker, or we may be thinking of arguments that can be used to rebut the speaker. In cases like this, our listening efficiency drops to nearly zero because of over-stimulation. So, hear the speaker out before you judge him or her.

 

4. Listening only for facts

 

Too many of us listen for facts and, while we may recall some isolated facts, we miss the primary thrust or idea the speaker is trying to make. Be sure that your concern for facts doesn't prevent you from hearing the speaker's primary points.

 

 

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Jim Stephens
The Marriage Library
 20112011