Daily Tips from The Marriage Library.com
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The Ten Worst Listening
Habits - Part 3
 
By Dick Lee and Delmar Hatesohl  
 
June 13, 2012                                                                             Issue 946    

  

Summary of this article

 

This article finishes up the list from last week of 10 bad listening habits.

 

Check out yourself against this list to see where you can improve. I think it's pretty obvious how not listening will interfere with a good relationship with your spouse.

 

This is part 3 of 3.

 

God bless your family and your marriage.

 

Jim  

 
 

Ten Worst Listening Habits - Part 3

 

Dick Lee and Delmar Hatesohl, University of Missouri

 

Listening is the communication skill most of us use the most frequently.

 

Studies also confirm that most of us are poor and inefficient listeners.

 

Ralph G. Nichols, long-time professor of rhetoric at the University of Minnesota (now retired), says in his book Are You Listening? that "if we define the good listener as one giving full attention to the speaker, first-grade children are the best listeners of all."

 

Here are Dr. Nichols' list of 10 bad listening habits. You'll recognize some that you have and that you can make an effort to correct.

 

(continued from Part 2 yesterday)

 

5. Trying to outline everything that is being said

 

Many speakers are so unorganized that their comments really can't be outlined in any logical manner. It's better to listen, in such a case, for the main point. A good listener has many systems of taking notes and selects the best one to fit a speaker.

 

6. Faking attention

 

This is probably one of the more common bad listening habits. If you're speaking to a group and suddenly you become aware that most of your audience is sitting with chin in hand staring at you, that is a good signal that attention is being faked. Their eyes are on you but their minds are miles away. We probably have developed our own faking skills to a high point. Let's recognize what we're doing and eliminate faking as a poor listening habit.

 

7. Tolerating or creating distractions

 

People who whisper in an audience of listeners fall into this category. Some distractions can be corrected (closing a door, turning a radio off) to improve the listening atmosphere.

 

8. Evading the difficult

 

We tend to listen to things that are easy to comprehend and avoid things that are more difficult. The principle of least effort will operate in listening if we allow it to do so.

 

9. Submitting to emotional words

 

We're all aware of the emotional impact of some words. Democrat and Republican are emotional words for some people. So are northern and southern for others. There are hundreds of examples. Don't let emotional words get in the way of hearing what a speaker is really saying.

 

10. Wasting thought power

 

Nichol's 10th bad listening habit is the one he feels is most important. It is wasting the differential between thought speed and the speed at which most people speak.

 

 

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Jim Stephens
The Marriage Library
 20112011