Six Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage - Part 1
By Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Managing Editor
While scientists have yet to concoct a love potion, their research is providing some helpful tips for a successful marriage.
1. Work Hard At It
Romantic love can stand the test of time if you apply elbow grease. In a study published in 2009 in the journal Review of General Psychology, researchers analyzed surveys of more than 6,000 people, including new relationships and marriages that had lasted at least 20 years. A surprisingly high number of people were still very much in love with their long-term partners, though the researchers drew a distinction between romantic love, which can endure, and passionate or obsessive love, which often fades after the beginning of a relationship.
The key to keeping that romance alive: hard work.
Research has suggested these couples spend time and really care about the relationship; they seem to be able to resolve conflicts relatively smoothly, said Bianca Acevedo, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who authored the study while she was a graduate student at Stony Brook University. Studies have also shown novel experiences can stimulate the production of the neurochemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which show up in the brain in the early, blissful stages of a relationship.
2. Be Tough
Speaking of spouses driving one another mad, not to worry, says one researcher who has found that some marriages actually thrive on negative behaviors.
For some couples with serious problems, the best way to breed a happier marriage seems is by placing blame on each other, telling the other person to change, and being less forgiving, according to a decade of research on the topic by University of Tennessee psychologist James McNulty.
Essentially, he said, happy couples behave in certain ways that, rather than making them happy, may simply reflect their glee. In fact, McNulty has found that if unhappy couples practice these same positive thoughts and behaviors, their relationships seem to get worse over time.
He added that there's evidence to suggest placing blame and other negative exchanges can motivate partners to change. His research suggests marriage counselors might do well to encourage troubled couples to be more critical of one another.
3. Make It Quick
If your spouse bugs you now, the future is bleak, according to a study showing that couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together.
Researchers asked 800 individuals about their level of negativity toward a spouse/partner, their children and friends. Spouses and partners took the top slot as the most annoying.
And the negative views of spouses tended to increase over time. However, that increase in negativity could be a normal part of relationships.
"Because we found that pattern was overall among the participants, it appears to be normative. It's not something unusual that happens," said lead researcher Kira Birditt, a research fellow at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research. The research was presented in November 2008 at an annual meeting of the Gerontological Society of America.
