Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
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Making an Apology That Sticks 
By Gary Chapman
Summary of this article
Here're some more insights on making an apology. Gary Chapman has researched the topic extensively and his book is very profound on the subject. Apologizing is one life skill that everyone, without exception, needs to learn.
Making an Apology That Sticks
by Dr. Gary Chapman
Be Sure That You Communicate Sincerity
There's more to an apology than saying, "I'm sorry." Perhaps you've said, "I'm sorry," but your spouse is finding it hard to forgive you. So you feel frustrated and are saying to yourself, "I apologized, what else can I do?"  If you're serious, I'll tell you. 
Ask your spouse this question: "What can I do to make this up to you? I know I hurt you and I feel bad about it, but I want to make it right. I'd like to do something to show you that I love you."
This is far more powerful than simply saying, "I'm sorry." You are trying to make restitution. You are demonstrating that you really care about your relationship. And of course you have to follow through and do whatever is requested in order to make it up to your spouse.
After all, what your spouse wants to know is whether you are truly sincere in your apology?  
Be Specific
When you apologize to your spouse, what do you say?  For many, the answer is: "I'm sorry." But do you tell them what you are sorry for? That's far better. 
An apology has more impact when it's specific. "I'm sorry that I got home late. I know that you worked hard to be ready on time, and I show up 30 minutes late. I feel bad that I've made you wait. I hope you will forgive me and we can still have a good evening."
This apology communicates that you are aware that your behavior inconvenienced your spouse, and that you feel badly about it. 
Here's an apology that you should never use: "I'm sorry that you got hurt." This kind of apology actually shifts the blame to your spouse.
Far better to say, "I'm sorry that my behavior hurt you."  
God bless your marriage and family.
Jim Stephens


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