How A Couple Makes Decisions Can Make Or Break The Marriage
 
by Dr. Gary Chapman
 
The way a couple makes decisions can make or break a marriage.
 
The husband-as-dictator style has destroyed the creative spirit of many wives. The mother-superior attitude has made children out of many husbands. Neither of these patterns is biblical, but many Christians have accepted them as normal.
 
Marriage is meant to be two persons who are members of the same team. God is the coach, and the husband and wife are teammates.
 
Successful teammates cooperate. "How can we help each other?" is the question asked by members of a winning team.
 
The first step in making wise decisions is to see each other as friends to be helped, not enemies to be punished.
 
Team members who cannot agree on the game plan will never be winners.
 
God said of Adam, "It is not good for man to be alone."  Therefore, God created a "helper suitable for him." The word suitable means one perfectly matched. The word helper implies that the wife is to be actively involved with her husband in "subduing the earth."
 
Why should a husband be limited to his own insights when he has a wise helper? 
 
How can a wife be a helper if she is always silent? 
 
When a husband or wife seeks to control the other, they cease to be a team. This was never God's intention.
 
Some couples have never learned how to make decisions together, so they make decisions independently and try to force their decision on their spouse.
 
This will never create a healthy marriage. We all have personal thoughts, feelings, and desires. Sometimes these clash with those of our spouse. Welcome to the human race.
 
There is nothing wrong with disagreements. However, we must learn to listen to each other in order to understand their thoughts, feelings and desires. 
 
Once we understand each other, then we can look for a solution.
 
Compromise is not a negative word. Webster's Dictionary says, a compromise is a settlement by consent reached by mutual concession.
 
That is healthy decision making.
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