What is Your Relationship IQ? - Part 1
 
By Michele Weiner-Davis 
 
Answer "True" or "False" to each of the following 7 questions:
 
  1. Conflict and anger are signs that your relationship is failing.
 
  2. You're more likely to divorce if there are differences in your backgrounds, likes and dislikes and interests.
 
  3. In healthy relationships, major disagreements get resolved over time.
 
  4. In healthy marriages, spouses have the same definition of what it means to be loving.
 
  5. People just fall out of love.
 
  6. Affairs don't have to ruin marriages.
 
  7. Most people are much happier in their second marriages because they've learned from their mistakes. 
 

 

 

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The Answers: 
 
1. Conflict and anger are signs that your relationship is failing. (False)
 
It's amazing to me how many people believe that their marriages are dysfunctional when there is conflict. The fact is, the single best predictor of divorce is the constant avoidance of conflict! All marriages, even the best of marriages, have their ups and downs, times when spouses are angry and argumentative. It's impossible to live under the same roof with another human being for any length of time and not disagree now and then.
 
2. You're more likely to divorce if there are differences in your backgrounds, likes and dislikes and interests.   (False)
 
Here's a surprise for you. The answer to this question is false. Research shows that people who stay together and are happily married are no more similar than those who divorce! They come from decidedly different backgrounds, hold different beliefs and have sharply different interests.

 

But what separates those who have successful relationships from those who don't is this- they learn effective ways to deal with their differences. They have definite methods for handling conflict. Although they don't necessarily have a lot in common, they nurture the interests they do share and try to develop new ones from time to time.

 

Successful couples understand that their partners are not supposed to be their clones. They believe that life would be incredibly boring if their spouses were mirror images of themselves. Instead, happily married people learn to both appreciate their differences, find ways to grow from them or simply make peace with them.
 

Answers 3 through 5 tomorrow.

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