Four Rules for a Successful Marriage, Rule #3
 
by Willard F. Harley
 
Rule #3: The Rule of Honesty
 
Honesty and Openness is one of the ten most important emotional needs identified in marriage, which means that when it's met, it can trigger the feeling of love.
 
But it's counterpart, dishonesty, is one of the five most destructive "Love Busters". When spouses are dishonest, they destroy the love they have for each other. 
 
But there is a third reason that honesty is crucial in marriage. 
 
 *  Honesty is the only way that you and your spouse will ever come to understand each other. 
 
 *  Without honesty, the adjustments that are crucial to the creation of compatibility in your marriage cannot be made.
 
 *  Without honesty, your best efforts to resolve conflicts will be wasted because you will not understand each other well enough to find mutually acceptable solutions. 
 
 *  Without honesty, you'll never know if your partner really loves the true you. You will always have some doubt. The secret you might be unlovable for them.  (added by Jim Stephens)
 
The Policy of Radical Honesty
 
Reveal to your spouse as much information about yourself as you know; your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities, and plans for the future.
 
To help explain this policy, I have broken it down into four parts:
 
1. EMOTIONAL HONESTY: Reveal your emotional reactions, both positive and negative, to the events of your life, particularly to your spouse's behavior. 
 
2. HISTORICAL HONESTY: Reveal information about your personal history, particularly events that demonstrate personal weakness or failure.
 
3. CURRENT HONESTY: Reveal information about the events of your day. Provide your spouse with a calendar of your activities, with special emphasis on those that may affect your spouse. 
 
4. FUTURE HONESTY: Reveal your thoughts and plans regarding future activities and objectives. 
 
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