12 Revolutionary Principles For Marriage
Shaunti Feldhahn & Jeff Feldhahn
In the years since first writing For Men Only and For Women Only, we've been overwhelmed with how God is using the truths in these books to change lives.
Now you and your spouse are about to experience the same "Aha!" moments that have helped millions of couples get their marriages off to a good start, find understanding and healing, or keep great relationships going strong.
The truths and tips you'll find in these books come from the professional groundbreaking surveys and thousands of interviews we performed in our quest to find out what makes men and women tick.
The observations and ideas found below come from the many marriage conferences we have spoken at since the books came out, where we've learned how men and women can get the most out of this information.
Whether you're starting out in married life, feeling like you want to give up, or simply eager to take your relationship to the next level, you're about to discover things you never knew about each other. So jump in and have fun - you might just meet each other again for the first time!
Shaunti Feldhahn
Jeff Feldhahn
P.S. Take the survey and check out the resources (including the companion discussion guides to these books) at the "Books and Studies" section of www.shaunti.com.
Twelve Tips to Get Great Results from For Couples Only - cont.
4. Assume your loved one feels goodwill toward you and wants to be the person you need. If you've been hurt by your mate, this may be hard to do - or hard to believe. But we've found it's true in the vast majority of cases. What usually happens is that a woman and a man start out with much goodwill toward each other and try hard - but if they don't know what the other person thinks or most needs, they often are trying hard in the wrong areas. This book will help you identify the right ones.
5. Decide together how you're going to read these books:
· Will you each read a chapter of your respective books and then discuss them (perhaps with the help of the discussion guides that exist as companions to each book)? Will you read each book completely and then talk about them? Would you prefer to check in with each other when you get to a particularly surprising point, or would you rather first take some time to process what you're reading? Will you read the books alone or as part of a small group?
· One effective method is to switch books and personalize them ahead of time; that is, read the book about your own gender first, and highlight or underline those things that matter the most to you. You can highlight quotes or paragraphs that so perfectly describe how you feel that they could've come directly from you, or you can circle survey answers as to how you would've answered them. Once you're done with this, switch books and begin reading. You now have a book about your mate customized with what's most important to him or her!
· As you read, highlight or underline things you especially want to talk about with your mate.
6. Recognize that some of these truths may be hard to hear or talk about but are no less true or important. In fact, the hard to hear areas are often those your mate most wishes you knew about but hasn't known how to bring up! So have grace and gentleness with each other in the sensitive areas, recognizing that your mate may be taking a big risk to discuss something that's deeply important to him or her. In other words: if you want your mate to be willing to share inner thoughts, be willing to listen, believe what's being said, and you must not freak out.
7. Consider that men and women tend to have different goals in their reading: women tend to love learning all the new eye-opening details and information, while men tend to think, "Please just tell me what to do about it!".
(More tomorrow)
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God bless your marriage and your family.
Jim
