The Different Ways Men and Women Communicate - Part 2

by Stephen Martin and Victoria Costello

Although not uniformly present in all couples, gender differences in communication style and content preferences are common enough to wreak havoc in many marriages. It's important to remember that these differences can make communication in marriage more difficult, but on their own they do not cause marital breakdowns. They can also lead to joy and delight if you recognize the differences and appreciate each other for them.

The Way Men Communicate

Men talk in order to exchange information, to solve problems, or, if they're with other men, to engage in friendly verbal competition.

When anxious or angry, men will often seek solitude rather than talk, at least as an immediate response.

Of course, each person is a unique combination of what is defined here. Your husband may be more of a talker than your girlfriend's more taciturn spouse. It's possible that you may be the more circumspect one in your marriage.

From the fascinating observations of married couples done by John Gottman, PhD, in a laboratory setting it's been shown that women bring up most of the tricky issues for discussion in a marriage.

The same research, which includes the monitoring of physical body changes, also shows that a man takes longer to recover from verbal conflict than his wife.

What do all these data say about men and women in communication? Primarily, that on top of the possible personality differences that exist between any two people, a husband and wife must also take into account probable gender differences. 

Tomorrow: Part 3 - When Emotional Needs Differ

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