How Do You Divide Up Chores?

By Gary Chapman

Even today, most of us bring certain assumptions to the "table" of marriage. For instance: men fix things, kill bugs, grill, and deal with anything having to do with cars or garbage. Women (regardless of whether they work outside the home or not) keep the home attractive, doing the little things like wiping the stove, making sure there is soap in the shower, and doing certain big things like making the final decisions about decorating. Women also keep the family schedule, handle social arrangements, and know where the kids are supposed to be and when.

How, then do we sort through these and other assumptions? Many conflicts could be eliminated if the couple would take time before marriage to discuss and agree upon responsibilities.

Normally the problem is not the inability to agree upon responsibilities, but rather the failure to even discuss the matter.

But even marital veterans can benefit from a periodic check, evaluating whether their way of divvying up chores is working (or even whether a given task has to be done at all!)

Quick Quiz

Each person fill out the quiz individually and then make a date to discuss your answers when you have enough time to go over them all. You might want to share your lists from #2 before your date in order to have time to digest the contents.

1. In your marriage, who has the basic responsibility for providing financially?

            ___Wife   ___Husband   ___Shared

    Are you satisfied with the present arrangement? If no, write a brief description of the changes you would like to see.

2. Without discussing it, make a list of items you consider to be your responsibility around the house. Make a separate list of those items you consider to be your spouse's responsibility. Include everything you can think of and be as specific as possible or as necessary.

3. Prepare a list of suggestions (if you have any) about how your "team" might better accomplish the items on your list.

4. Do not ever believe that responsibilities cannot be changed. If conflict arises over roles, it is time for discussion and evaluation.