Parenting For A New Era - Part 1

By John Gray

Children are from Heaven...Well, maybe on a good day. But what about on those days when your child's behavior is less than angelic? Take heart; with the right direction, your child's difficult day will become a mere memory. The Mars Venus approach to parenting has been called "parenting for a new era," and a lot of it is about preventing problems by staying at least two steps ahead of your child with "something up your sleeve."

Be prepared with the following five tips for positive parenting  (3 today and final 2 tomorrow...Jim):

Tip #1 - First and foremost - Shower your child with Positive Messages.

"Children's self concept is formed by the parent's vision of them, and the absence of positive messages is interpreted by the child as negative messages," is the Mars Venus Parenting approach.

In other words, make the child psychologically visible. Be specific and mirror back to them what you see with approval and delight focusing on their positive aspects. Become masters of communication of your love for them.

Use these five positive messages:

  1. It's okay to be different.

  2. It's okay to make mistakes.

  3. It's okay to express negative feelings within limits.

  4. It's okay to want and ask for more.

  5. It's okay to say no, but Mom and Dad are still the bosses.

Tip #2 - The second ingredient is consistency, or rhythm.

Have a predictable lifestyle as much as possible. That means schedules and activities are planned so that the child knows what's coming.

Family rituals, where things are done in a consistent way, offer a rich foundation that supports a child through the ever-changing seasons and stages of life.

Predictability breeds confidence - the child feels prepared, and as a result, is more cooperative.

Tip #3 - Use the three R's: Redirection, Repetition, Reward.

When a child begins to misbehave, first redirect by simply asking, "Would you please brush your teeth?" If you don't get the result you want, repeat your request a few times. "I want you to brush your teeth now."

If the child still resists, use positive reward, "If you brush your teeth now, we'll have time for three stories tonight." This one works wonders. It gives incentive and is a powerful tool in resolving long-standing behavior problems.

Once children are on a positive track, they get used to the good feelings that come their way and continue to cooperate even without reward.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens