Parenting For A New Era - Part 2

By John Gray

This is a continuation of the 5 tips for parenting in a new age. In past ages parenting was mostly based on fear and shame. Now a more positive approach is available. See yesterday's Marriage Tip for Part 1 of this article containing the first 3 tips.

Tip #4 - The last resort is a time-out.

Time-out is not used as a punishment but as a means for the child to get back to control. It should not be overused and only when the three R's (see Tip #3) aren't working and the child is out of control.

The guideline is one minute per year based on the child's age; three years old, three minutes, 12 years old, 12 minutes, etc. All is forgiven after a time out and the child is welcomed with open arms.

Tip # 5 - Finally, another important tool is "making amends."

The best way to teach this very important life lesson to your child is to lead by example. For instance, if your young son should accidentally hurt a friend while playfully wrestling, take your son's hand in yours and together go over to the hurt friend. While your son listens, say, "I am so sorry this happened. Let's make it right." At that point, together, get some ice and healing salve, and spend time tending to the injured child's wound. Rather than blame, share a sense of loss.

Demonstrate to your children that there is always the chance in life to re-balance the scales when a mistake or wrongdoing has occurred. This allows them to learn compassion and build a sense of confidence rather than feel a lot of guilt, shame or inadequacy during a very tender time when the self-concept is forming.

What does it mean to be a parent in the new era? According to Mars Venus Parenting, "The children that are being born to us are different children and we need new skills." The way we have been parenting for centuries needs to be reinvented. Parenting can no longer be based on fear and negativity. There is a new message and the message is love.

In the past, discipline meant taking something away. There was a critical preoccupation of what was wrong and punishment was paramount. Parenting was shame based. It was about what children would LOSE if they didn't behave in a certain way.

A more inspired and effective form of parenting advocates winning, not losing. It's about focusing on what children will GAIN if they exhibit healthy cooperative, loving behavior. In this way, we prepare them for a fruitful, successful life. It's not about win-lose anymore. We are talking win-win; everybody wins, all the way around. This is the message for the new era.

Mars Venus Parenting emphasizes the value of redirection, repetition and reward within a predictable life rhythm or structure. It uses time-out as a way to bring the child back to control. Making amends and apologizing for mistakes are offered as a parenting tool to rebalance wrongdoing and teach forgiveness. With practice, these techniques work magic, often with immediate, glowing results.

Even the most difficult children hold within them a pathway that opens to the heart. It's our job as parents and educators to find it. Use these tools, teach through example, and meet the new era with the Mars Venus approach to parenting.

Give your children the key to a life that is rich, rewarding and abundant.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens