Sex Isn't The Same To Her
By Jeff Feldhahn
Guys expect wives to have female bodies wrapped around a male mind. Subconsciously, we think men and women have basically the same sexual wiring.
Mismatches leave us baffled. As one of my buddies put it, "If sex is free and it's fun, why doesn't she want lots of free fun?"
When we men hear "Not tonight, I'm tired," we take it personally. We assume it means we're not desirable. Surprise, guys! Ninety-six percent of women we surveyed said their man's desirability had nothing to do with their "too tired." Most women find their husbands desirable and want a great sexual relationship. One survey taker summed it up: "Even though I don't want sex as often, I still love him deeply and find him very attractive."
Your ego doesn't need to take a hit. Instead, realize that your wife is not wired the way you are. She needs a lot more anticipation time to get her mind and emotions ready for sex. Flirting over breakfast helps her look forward to an evening of sexual intimacy.
She's also stimulated differently. You're set off by what you see. But she needs to feel connected emotionally. She can't help remembering how you treated her throughout the day. Hurt feelings or neglect have to be healed and forgiven; positive memories make her ready.
Those positive memories are surprisingly easy to create by gently touching her, by listening and empathizing, by helping around the house. During our research, one woman said she tells her husband, "Honey, there's nothing more sexy than watching you clean something!" She just wanted to feel cared for.
If there's a lot you have misunderstood about your wife, you're not alone.
Like me and other formerly oblivious guys, you really can learn how to make your wife happy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Jeff Feldhahn and his wife, Shaunti, are co-authors of For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women.
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens