Do Wives Understand What Sex Means To Husbands?

By Shaunti Feldhahn

Sex changes everything

Second only to your husband's need for respect is his need for you to desire him sexually. It's not exactly shocking to say men want sex more than women do. But wives often misunderstand what sex means to men.

We tend to think of sex as a physical need for men. But as I researched, I found that sex also meets an incredibly powerful emotional need - his need to know that you desire him.

In a profound way, feeling wanted sexually gives a man confidence and a sense of well-being in every other area of his life.

The opposite - no sex or mechanical sex because you "have to" - is as emotionally wounding to him as his sudden silence would be to you.

And believe it or not, getting enough sex isn't the point. Nearly all the men surveyed - 97 percent - said that even if their wives agreed to have sex every time husbands wanted, sex would still be empty if their wives didn't seem to desire them.

When we women say no to sex, we're usually saying we don't want sex at that moment. But he hears the much more painful message that we don't want him.

One man said, "When she says no, I feel rejected. 'No' is not no to sex; it's no to me as I am."

By contrast, making the first move once in a while sends a powerful and affirming message to your man.

To connect with our husbands, we have to accept and work with the remarkable, God-crafted differences between us.

And if we do so, we have a tremendous opportunity to give our men confidence to become the men God has called them to be.

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Shaunti Feldhahn is the author of For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens