Daily Tips from The Marriage Library.com
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Arranged Marriages May 
End Up Happier
 
By Scott Haltzman
 
March 19, 2013                                                                       Issue 1,062           

 

Summary of this article

 

Scott Haltzman has done a lot of research on what makes for happiness in men, women, and families. He has written a book on each one. Here he talks about some research on arranged marriages as contrasted to romantic marriages. The research shows that romantic marriages tend to take love and happiness for granted and they don't work at it. Even they might be frustrated when things don't go higher and higher. But people in arranged marriages recognize that they will really have to work at it and they do. Thus in the end they may actually end up happier and more in love than the romantic couples.

 

God bless your family and your marriage.

 

Jim  

Arranged Marriages May End Up Happier

 

By Scott Haltzman, MD

 

Remember Fiddler on the Roof? Golda and Tevya sit together reflecting on the marriage of their daughters. Tevya looks longingly at Golda and asks: (you can hear the music cue up as you think about the lyrics...) "Do you love me?" Golda shoots back: "Do I what!?" Many couples discuss love feelings with each other in the course of their marriage, but this conversation was unusual because, after 25 years of marriage, this was the first time they asked the other this question. In the tradition of their culture, the Papa and Mama of Fiddler first met on their wedding night: theirs was an arranged marriage.

 

Most people in Western culture choose who they marry, and at the time they do, they tend to describe themselves as being in love - madly in love even - when they get engaged. At the moment the wedding bells ring, Bride and Groom are at their happiest. You would think that love would grow stronger every day. But it doesn't. In fact, as couples enter the second year of marriage, their levels of love begin to drop.

 

Compare that statistic with what we know about arranged marriages. When these couples tie the knot, they don't feel particularly lovey-dovey. That's understandable, because in some cases, they only met each other at the altar. As these couples grow together, though, studies show that their amount of love for each other climbs higher and higher, surpassing levels of love feelings of non-arranged marriages.

 

How can it be that total strangers can fall so head over heels?  Arranged marriages work because they don't take love for granted.

 

If there is going to be passion, affection and caring in the marriage, it has to be created.

 

They work to find things in their partner to love.

 

And they make efforts to win the love of their new spouse.

 

If you are in love at the time of marriage, you run the risk of assuming that this love will be there forever.  Don't. Work each day to make your spouse love you, and find a way to find in your spouse something that is worthy of loving back.  Then, if, like Tevya and Golda, after twenty-five years (or more) you do love each other, "It's nice to know."

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

Scott Haltzman, MD

Distinguished Fellow, American Psychiatric Association

Author,"The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight keys to building a lifetime of connection and contentment," "The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever,"  &  "The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to get more out of your relationship by doing less."

www.DrScott.com


                       


Announcement
After 3.5 years I have decided to stop publishing these Marriage Tips as of March 31.  
 
It has truly been a labor of love and the amount of information I have read and shared has been gigantic. But it's time for me to move on to other things and other ways to serve. 
 
I sincerely thank you faithful subscribers who have stayed with me all this time. 
 
After doing my taxes, it turned out that I was almost losing money with the costs of this service and website. So I had to decide if I still wanted to keep fitting it into my life each week. 
 
I feel God has other plans for me. 
 
Do check out my blog: 101 Proofs for God which is still going. 
 
And may God richly bless all you do.
Check out my
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