Talking About Feelings At All The Wrong Times
By John Gray
Women often sabotage their success in relationships by bringing up their feelings at inappropriate times. Single and married women will do the same thing.
A woman will unconsciously start arguments or express complaints about something just to find a way to release her feelings. If something goes wrong, she will happily discuss it in great detail just to talk about her feelings. Going on and on is her misguided attempt to stimulate oxytocin production, which has the effect on her of releasing her stress.
The time a woman chooses to express her feelings affects whether a man is capable of listening. Timing is everything in life and in communication.
When a woman is stressed at home, she loses her sense of timing. Here are a few examples of bad timing and how men may react:
WHAT SHE SAYS:
If she disapproves of his parenting style, she will wait to bring it up until the children are not cooperating, not happy, or not doing well.
HOW HE FEELS:
He feels blamed and criticized at a time when he is most vulnerable. Not only is she being unsupportive, but he feels she doesn't appreciate his efforts to be a good parent.
WHAT SHE SAYS:
If she is overwhelmed, she will wait until he asks her to do something, and then she will complain in great detail that she is already doing too much.
HOW HE FEELS:
He feels blamed, as if he is wrong for asking for help, and he feels burdened by her problems. He feels as if he has let her down in some way and that her problems are his fault.
WHAT SHE SAYS:
If she is upset that he is not doing what he said, she will wait until he is happily engaged in some relaxing or entertaining activity like reading a book or watching TV.
HOW HE FEELS:
He feels annoyed that she waits until he is taking his needed recovery time and then expects him to stop and respond to her needs. He wants to respond, but he has to rest. He feels she is making demands.
WHAT SHE SAYS:
If she wants to spend more time with her partner, she will wait until he wants to spend time with a friend and then decide to talk about her feelings.
HOW HE FEELS:
He feels manipulated by her feelings. When he wants to take care of his own needs, she becomes needy. He cares about her feelings, so to meet her needs he can't do what he wants to do.
At these times, when a woman insists on talking about her feelings, wishes, and needs, a man may assume she is trying to control him. Usually, she is just looking for ways to bring up subjects he doesn't seem interested in talking about.
The solution is to have regular opportunities to talk about her feelings, then this tendency in women disappears. I call them Venus Talks.
___________________________________________________
God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens
