How to Ask for More Romance in Your Life

It's not as tough as you think ...

By John Gray

Occasionally, a complaint can be heard escaping from a woman's lips about the lack of romance in her life. But romance is a word with a loaded definition. To some, romance means flowers, limos, and all the bells and whistles that Julia Roberts experienced in Pretty Woman. To others, romance is the opportunity to take a bubble bath without interruption or being given a night off from cooking.

A man can have some difficulty in figuring out how best to please a woman when it seems that there are so many different definitions of romance ... and why romance is so important to a woman.

Why Romance?

Perhaps women don't know why romance means so much to them either. They just know it's something that they want and that they're not currently getting enough of. The magic behind romance is that it allows a woman to feel special, cared for, and, briefly, to be given a reprieve from taking care of others.

But, incorporating romance into a relationship is not a job that has to fall solely on a man's shoulders. Oftentimes a man is at a standstill in a relationship when it comes to romance; not because he doesn't want to do anything for the woman he loves, but because he's just not sure how to do the right thing to please her.

Before a woman starts doling out ultimatums to her sweetheart about getting more romantic, she would do both of them a favor by determining just what kind of romance she's looking for and letting it be known.

The Business of Romance

Mars Venus often stresses that the best way a woman can love the man in her life is by helping him to be successful in loving her. While it can be difficult for a woman to express just what she wants from a man, she is more likely to get what she needs by telling him rather than by just expecting him to read her mind.

At the same time, men can make an effort to be in tune with the needs of the woman in their life. When a man comes to know a woman well, he will begin to recognize her moods and behaviors and anticipate when she could use an extra, unexpected bit of attention from him.

It's important to remember that when a woman is upset or overwhelmed, she doesn't go into a cave - she craves understanding. Instead of steering clear of the storm, which is what many men would prefer if they themselves were overwhelmed, they should bravely forge into the middle of it. A woman will be grateful for the attention and consider herself understood and, believe it or not, romanced.

Making It Stick

When a man makes an effort to provide romance for a woman, she can be sensitive to the fact that he is trying to make her happy. If there happens to be something negative about the experience, she can focus on the good aspect of it instead - this means that, even if the restaurant he chose was really bad, she can choose to compliment one good thing about it instead of dwelling on the negative. A man feels closer to a woman when he believes that he has been successful in creating happiness for her and when she appreciates his efforts. Poor reactions to his attempts will not encourage his romantic side.

A woman can sometimes nurture the kind of romance she wants to have in her world without really saying much. Creating romantic rituals such as kissing each other goodbye in the morning or always getting up to greet each other when returning home for the day can go a long way in keeping the spark alive.

Small courtesies can be romantic as well, such as saying please and thank you.

It's also important for a woman to consider asking for what she wants. While requesting a hug may not be as romantic as when he voluntarily offers one, it's better than falling prey to resentment because the man may not have anticipated her needs.

Simply talking about the desire for more romance as a whole can be effective as well. As always, delivery and timing are crucial - a woman should talk to the man she loves in a non-defensive way and at a low-pressure time of day.

Instead of, "You never bring me flowers," she could say, "I love it when you bring me flowers unexpectedly - it makes me feel really special." There's no guarantee that this will create a man on her doorstep holding flowers the next night, but it can plant a seed.

By both halves of a couple working on recognizing and giving each other what they need, a successful, romantic relationship won't be far behind. The word "romance" doesn't have to be daunting. But we know that asking for what you want, or trying to create a sixth sense to anticipate what someone else wants, can be difficult.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens