16 NEVERS When Resolving Conflict - Part 4
By Tommy Nelson
Never #12: Never Be Condescending
Adopting a "know it all" or "better than thou" attitude never brings about healthy resolution. Condescending words only embarrass, bring about anger, weaken another in his/her own eyes and in the eyes of others, and tear another down.
Whether you are a husband or a wife, your role in marriage and as a fellow Christian is to build up, to edify, to strengthen, and to genuinely praise the goodness of God in your spouse.
Never #13: Never Demean
Although your tone may not be condescending, the actual content of what you are communicating may be demeaning. One man sat in my office and said very matter-of-factly, "My wife isn't well educated and doesn't know about these things." If telling the truth to a person about their attributes clashes with expressing love to a person, err on side of expressing love. Alongside the actual content, your tone of voice can also be demeaning. Remember that content and tone can cause the one you love to feel embarrassed or humiliated. There are other ways of communication that are more effective, learn these.
Never #14: Never Accuse Your Spouse with "You" Statements
Pointing fingers and saying such things like "You did this," "You said that," "You caused this," or "You are a rotten person", do not lead to Godly resolution. Put your statements in "I" terms like, "I heard you say this, is that correct?" or "I don't understand what you mean when you say this, or "I feel this way when this happened." You are not the judge and the jury. Remember, you are on the same team!
Never #15: Never Allow an Argument to Begin If Both of You Are Overly Tired, If One of You is Under the Influence of Chemicals, or If One of You is Physically Ill
Abigail refrained from telling her husband, Nabal, about the error of his ways until he was sober enough to listen. "But in the morning, when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things..." (1 Samuel 25:37) One noted speaker on marriage has given this advice, "Never start an argument after ten o'clock at night."
Never #16: Never Touch Your Spouse in a Harmful Manner
Rough physical treatment is never justifiable. Never grab, slap, shake, push or use a strong arm or hand!!!! This is as clear as it sounds.
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens