The Importance of Respect in Marriage
By Judith S. Wallersein and Sandra Blakeslee
In truth there are no one-line answers to the question of what makes a marriage happy.
What then are the secrets? How do a man and a woman who meet as strangers create a relationship that will satisfy them both throughout their lives?
First, the answer to the question I started with -- "What do people define as happy in their marriage?" -- turned out to be straightforward.
For everyone, happiness in marriage meant feeling respected and cherished. Without exception, these couples mentioned the importance of liking and respecting each other and the pleasure and comfort they took in each other's company. Some spoke of the passionate love that began their relationship, but for a surprising number love grew in the rich soil of the marriage, nourished by emotional and physical intimacy, appreciation, and fond memories.
Some spoke of feeling well cared for, others of feeling safe, and still others of friendship and trust. Many talked about the family they had created together. But all felt that they were central to their partner's world and believed that creating the marriage and the family was the major commitment of their adult life.
For most, marriage and children were the achievements in which they took the greatest pride.
For these couples, respect was based on integrity; a partner was admired and loved for his or her honesty, compassion, generosity of spirit, decency, loyalty to the family, and fairness. An important aspect of respect was admiration of the partner as a sensitive, conscientious parent.
The value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding.
It helps explain why many divorcing people speak so vehemently of losing respect for their former partner.
The love that people feel in a good marriage goes with the conviction that the person is worthy of being loved.
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The above is excerpted from The Good Marriage, by Judith S. Wallersein and Sandra Blakeslee. Ms. Wallerstein has studied and written on good marriages after many years of counseling and studying divorcing couples. (Boldface added.)
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens