Men Versus Women On A Shopping Trip
Material from John Gray's books
The more we understand our differences, the easier it is for men and women to get along and reduce the friction between us.
Instead of expecting our partners to think the way we do, we are able to consider what they want and need to find happiness.
Shopping, particularly for shoes and all other accessories, often lowers a woman's stress levels, even if no purchase is made. Look in a woman's closet, and you will find rows of shoes in a variety of colors for every season, mood, or outfit. As for a man, his shoe colors for this season and every season are black and shades of brown.
Watch a man in a mall, shopping with his wife. He is dragging along, hoping the event will soon be over, looking for a bench while his partner is happily strolling along. Looking from left to right, taking in everything, exploring all the new fashions and discovering what is new that might decorate her house or support her children, a family member, or a friend.
All these activities stimulate the production of oxytocin. Though this lowers her stress levels, it does nothing for him. She feels better. Her body is rewarding her when it produces oxytocin.
Men will always prefer to shop in ways that stimulate testosterone. That's because testosterone is what lowers his stress and makes him feel better. He feels better if an activity produces testosterone. Oxytocin production for him actually lowers his testosterone, making him feel tired and uninspired.
When a man is shopping, he needs to have a clear destination or goal in mind. Knowing where he is going and his desired outcome is very important. When a man can accomplish a goal, then testosterone is produced. In general men want to get in and out as quickly as possible. In other words, he's a man on a mission. He's a hunter. He's not a sightseer.
Just the act of spending money can be stress reducing for both men and women but for different reasons. Doing this may increase testosterone for a man because the ability to spend money is a sign of competence and power. A woman benefits in a different way. She can use shopping to cope with stress because it can be a nurturing experience. Provided she has the time to shop, nurturing herself can also be just as oxytocin producing as nurturing others.
As you may suspect, women are by far the biggest consumers, responsible for over 70 percent of all purchases.
For women to have shopping experiences that are stress reducing, they need to make time for it and go with a friend who completely enjoys the experience.
When a woman shops, it's perfectly okay for it to be a hit or miss experience. She is simply gathering what is available and considering her options. Men are invariably disappointed to come home empty handed from a shopping trip. This activity may reflect our prehistoric selves when groups of women gathered, while men quietly and often solitarily hunted.
With nothing to show for an unsuccessful hunt, men are bound to be frustrated. Whereas in the process of gathering, learning more about her options and opportunities, a woman can be very rewarded; even if the very next day she returns the item to the store.
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