Nisa I. Muhammad is the Executive Director of the Wedded Bliss Foundation. She was featured on CNN's "Black in America 2" as a pioneer in strengthening marriage in the Black community. She is the co-author of Basic Training for Couples with Dr. Rozario Slack. This article advises couples to look for positive role models and support.

Could Your Single Friend Actually Become An Enemy of Your Marriage?
 
By Nisa I. Muhammad
 
Every marriage union needs friends; a couple who will be there to guide that union to success.  These are not so called "friends" who will rush the husband off to divorce court at the first hint of disrespect. This is not someone who will arbitrarily tell the wife, "Girl, you don't have to take that mess."  Spouses need at least one couple, if not more, who will be friends of their marriage when love seems to be sinking.
 
There is a gravitational pull to the world of singleness. There's no one to ask when you're coming home, no one to inquire why you're late and no one to answer to when you want to go out by yourself or spend your money the way you want to. Those minuses sound real cool when you're in the midst of a marriage meltdown.  
 
If we surround our marriage with single friends who have little understanding of marriage and what it means to be a spouse, we are asking for unnecessary trouble. Does this mean you can't have single friends if you're married? Of course not. Does this mean singles are bad for marriage? Definitely not. What it does mean is that married people need to be around other married people for strength and support.
 
Steel sharpens steel, men sharpen men and women sharpen women. The same applies to husbands and wives; healthy marriages sharpen healthy marriages. Too many people today grow up without the example of seeing what husbands and wives should do in a family setting. Where do we learn appropriate behavior and conduct as a husband or wife? For lots of couples, it's "On-the-Job-Training" without a job description or supervisor. Married couples need another healthy marriage in their life to look up to, inspire them, provide guidance and to just be there when the hard times come.
 
Husbands need a friend to tap him on the shoulder when he's been talking to another woman too long, or to tell him, "go home" because it's late. Husbands need men of substance and courage in their lives who will remind him of the commitment to wife and family. That's a friend of your marriage. It's not cool, funny or "manly" to be left alone to stray while disrespecting yourself and your family under the guise of "boys will be boys". That's neither a friend of your marriage nor a real friend.
 
Wives need a friend to remind her that her husband really does love her in spite of the current drama at hand. She needs another wife to tell her that the flirting she's doing with the waiter isn't cute, or the prolonged time she's spending with her pastor every Sunday can't be all about the Lord. That's a friend of your marriage. That's someone who will help you take your sorrows to prayer and your joys to praise. Don't get caught up with the women who don't have a man and want you to be miserable with them.  
 
Find friends of your marriage. Find couples who will love you enough to tell you the truth. Find couples who will nurture your marriage and work with you to achieve wedded bliss. 

 

Once you're there, return the favor and be a friend to someone else's marriage.
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