Little Habits That Can Make All The Difference

By Mary Ganske, Women's Day Magazine, October 3, 2000

Even the most happily married couples fall into ruts now and then. You know, those times when minor irritations override the love and affection you feel for each other.

To the rescue:  a new breed of marriage schools aimed at helping happy couples make a good thing even better.  Unlike traditional therapy, these workshops -- which range from evening seminars to weeklong retreats -- don't require participants to sit around dissecting their relationships and dwelling on what's wrong. Instead, couples learn concrete skills that make any relationship stronger.

To tap into these strategies, Woman's Day Magazine mined the top marriage renewal programs across the country. The result: five ways to improve communication, smooth over rough spots, and get closer than ever before.

MARRIAGE TIP #1:  TAKE A MINUTE TO SET UP YOUR DAY TOGETHER

The workshop: The Marriage Clinic, the Gottman Institute, Seattle

"We tell couples not to leave home in the morning until they find out at least one thing that's going to happen to their spouse that day," says John Gottman, Phd., codirector of The Gottman Institute.

Ask your husband what he's doing on his lunch hour or after work. And don't forget to fill him in on your plans.

It's also important to make sure that at least once a week, perhaps during dinner, you talk about what really matters. Ask how his relationship with his boss is going or if he's worried about his annual checkup. 

"You can't get emotionally close if you don't know anything about your partner's inner world," says Dr. Gottman.

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God bless your marriage and your family. 

Jim