Little Habits That Can Make All The Difference - Part 2
By Mary Ganske, Women's Day Magazine, October 3, 2000
Even the most happily married couples fall into ruts now and then. You know, those times when minor irritations override the love and affection you feel for each other.
To the rescue: a new breed of marriage schools aimed at helping happy couples make a good thing even better. Unlike traditional therapy, in these workshops couples learn concrete skills that make any relationship stronger.
Woman's Day Magazine took the top marriage renewal programs across the country. The result: five ways to improve communication, smooth over rough spots, and get closer than ever before.
MARRIAGE TIP #2: DISCUSS YOUR EXPECTATIONS
The Workshop: The Third Option, Syracuse, New York
Everyone enters into marriage with preconceived notions of how things should be: We should spend certain holidays with our families, save as much money as possible, go to church every Sunday. The key is to make sure you both know what the other person expects, says Patricia Ennis, M.S.W, director of Third Option.
"Whenever you're disappointed in your marriage, ask yourself, 'What did I expect?' says Ennis. Let's say, for example, that you bristle every time your husband asks you to iron his khakis. In this case, you might have assumed you'd be able to send his pants to the cleaners, just like your mom did.
Next, you need to determine if this particular request is realistic. Perhaps you'd rather not increase your dry-cleaning bill, in which case you might rethink your position.
In any event, tell him how you feel. "He may not agree with you, but at least you'll be opening up the topic," says Ennis. If you don't verbalize your expectations, he may misinterpret your actions and assume you don't care about his needs. The bottom line: Talk it over and negotiate it.
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God bless your marriage and your family.
Jim