Use Your Manliness For a Great Marriage
 
Top Psychiatrist, Dr. Scott Haltzman, Offers Advice For Men.
 
"Am I going to see Daddy today?" Many children never see their dads -even on Father's Day. It's heartbreaking for fathers, and devastating for children. More than 40 percent of American children grow up without both parents in the home.  
 
"The single best way to make sure a father and child are together on Father's Day is to make sure the father never leaves the home in the first place," says Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of 'The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever.' 
 
"Often, men don't know how to maintain a healthy relationship with the mother of their child. As a result, about half of all marriages fall apart and after the divorce, most children are raised by their mother, and the father's connection with his children begins to fade."
 
Haltzman's book, chosen by Time magazine as one of the 'Six Books for a Better You in 2006,' has a very businesslike approach that appeals to a man. In it, he teaches that being proactive in the marriage prevents divorce and leads to a better relationship between a man and the mother of his children. As a couples' therapist and researcher, he urges men to take advantage of their inborn abilities.
 
"For too long, experts have been telling men that to make marriage better, they have to be softer, gentler, sweeter...more like women. Many men do feel intense love on the inside, but they don't show feelings the same way that women do. Because women don't see displays of emotion, they assume the love's not there."
 
Haltzman doesn't think the answer is in feminizing men, "When men try to be more womanly, everyone's disappointed with the results." 
 
For guys who want to keep their families intact, Haltzman offers these tips: 
 
1. Keep your eye on the prize: 
 
After the vows are exchanged, many men shift the focus from courting their wives to more pragmatic things, like career development. Bad mistake. After the honeymoon, show you care by doing the same courting behaviors you did before you got married. She needs to know she's still # 1. 
 
2. Listen before you leap: 
 
Before you jump in to fix something, take time to figure out what's really on her mind. Just listening, without talking, is a good start. Once you really hear the problem, then you can take the right steps to make things better. 
 
3. Ask directions:
 
Marriage is complex; it's a myth that being in love is all you need. It's OK to ask for or seek help from a counselor or a book. 
 
4. Think Positive: 
 
Pay extra attention to all the good things your wife brings to your life, rather than focus on the negative interactions. 
 
5. Pitch in: 
 
Men who help out with housework have happier marriages. Even if you work hard outside the home, don't ignore household chores. 
 
6. Invest long-term: 
 
Just because you're having relationship problems doesn't mean you should bail. All relationships have bad times; most will rebound if you hang in there. 
 
7. Leave a legacy: 
 
Being in a healthy marriage teaches children important lessons about their own relationships. Kids whose parents stick together have less risk of divorcing themselves. So when your grandchildren celebrate Father's Day, they'll be doing it in the home of both their parents.
 

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