A Word To Wives About Male Brains
by Gary Thomas
The last ten years of neuroscience have obliterated the "nature versus nurture" debate.
Well before the baby comes into this world, while it remains safely tucked within the mother's womb, the brain of a male baby gets bombarded with testosterone, while a female baby receives greater quantities of female hormones. Between the third and sixth month of that unborn baby's life, hormones begin to shape the tiny brain, influencing how that individual will interact with the world...the quantities of these hormones will stamp that tiny child's brain by the sixth month of pregnancy - three months before any mother or father has a chance to "socialize" it.
Male brains usually have less serotonin than female brains. Since serotonin calms people down, men are more likely to act explosively and compulsively. Surprised? Probably not.
Men also have less oxytocin in their brains. Michael Gurian makes this observation: "Oxytocin is part of what biologists call the 'tend-and-befriend' instinct. The higher the oxytocin levels, the less aggressive the person is likely to be. Furthermore, the person with higher oxytocin levels will tend to be more immediately and directly empathetic, and more likely to link bonding and empathy with verbal centers of the brain, asking, 'How are you feeling?' or 'Is everything okay?'"
Why is your husband less likely to tune in to your emotional pain and verbalize his concern than, say, your sister, your mother, your daughter, or your best friend? His brain doesn't work the same way a female brain does; it just doesn't occur to him to connect his affection with verbal inquiry.
Men's brains also need to "rest" more than women's brains, with the result that men are more inclined to seek "mental naps." Why do men gravitate toward the television screen and then launch through the channels instead of focusing on one program? Our brains get tired. At the end of the day, we don't want plot, story, or character development; we just want escape (think buildings blowing up, cars crashing, tires squealing.)
All the while, a woman's brain - which has 15 percent more blood flow - is still running late in the day and therefore better able to process complex entertainment.
...If you really want to motivate your man and communicate with him, as well as enjoy a fulfilling marriage with him and raise healthy kids with him, don't expect him to act or think like a woman. He can't do that. Nor should he.
Rid yourself of every tactic and skill you use in talking to your sisters, best friends, and mother, and realize that a man's mind functions differently.
Some similarities exist, of course, so a few things interrelate. But if you expect him to talk to you like your lifelong best friend does, or your sister does, or your mother does, you're being unfair. And you're going to be disappointed - and probably unhappy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Article taken directly from the book, Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. Published by Zondervan Publishing.
___________________________________________________
God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens